ScrapHappy

ScrapperStyle

I recently applied for a job where I was asked to write a step-by-step description of how to wash the car. I think it was supposed to test to make sure you weren't psycho. Unfortunately, I apparently failed. Anyway, I thought you-all might get a kick out of my instructions.  So, with no further ado, here's how to wash you car, scrapper-style:

Washing the Car

In Ten (Easy) Steps

1. Notice “interesting” smell wafting from back seat of car. Investigate and immediately wish you hadn’t. Decide something must be done post-haste before children and self are asphyxiated by poisonous gases emitted from concoction of old French fries, Cheerios, and some brownish goo which you believe to be remnants of a Quaker Oats Chewy Granola Bar (but have no intention of verifying through either taste test or chemical analysis).
2. Mention at dinner to husband that you wish “someone” would take car to get it washed. Husband grunts noncommittally.
3. Mention again how you would “really like it” if “someone” would wash car. Husband ignores hint.
4. Opt for more drastic measures. Tell husband that car is a safety hazard; even if you could see through all the gunk on the windshield, you’d still have to deal with the biological and chemical weapons your two-year-old has been developing without your knowledge under her car seat.
5. Roll eyes when husband says, “Well, go get it washed if it’s dirty.” Wonder for the fiftieth time why you married someone without a single chivalrous bone in his body. Remember how he didn’t blink at the Visa bill last month (at the time you thought it was because he was in shock, but choose now to give him the benefit of the doubt). Decide he isn’t so bad and schedule in a trip to drive-through car wash after dinner.
6. Grab rubber gloves, plastic garbage bag, and shovel and report to the driveway.
7. Using above equipment, remove all debris from back seat of car, “way back” trunk area, and underneath seats. Find spare set of keys, last week’s grocery list, and sheet of 7Gypsies rub-ons you accused your son of using to decorate his Pinewood Derby car for Cub Scouts. Feel momentarily abashed until you recall that he did, indeed, use your entire stock of Heidi Swapp chipboard letters to spell “No Girls Allowed – This Means You!” on his bedroom door. Decide that in a cosmic, karma sense, things are equal. 
8. Wipe sweat from brow. Survey car interior and realize that without all the junk, car looks – and smells -- pretty darned good.
9. Squint at sky and decide it looks like it’s going to rain.
10. Take $14.95 you saved on car wash and head to your local scrapbook store.

Book Review

**Congratulations to Robyn and Jennie who correctly identified the wonderful  Wendy and awesome Angie of Simple Scrapbooks as my co-horts in fun in our last post! They will each receive envelopes of scrappin' goodies from moi. Like I don't have enough to share. ;)

If you haven't already gone over to the Simple Scrapbooks Blog and seen what really happens when the  magazine is put together, please do so!

I liked the page-by-page info so much, I decided to do my own. Instead of a behind-the-scenes look, though, this is an "in-the-brain-of-Lain" look. Which can be a little scary, but entertaining all the same! So grab your Nov/Dec issues of SS and let's go!

Page 12 - left. See those gorgeous Christmas cookies? They're covered in Crate Paper! They are so cute that people were swiping them from the booth at Memory Trends. Hope they didn't try to eat 'em. Actually, if they are stealing things from people's booths, maybe they DESERVE to bite into one (insert evil laughter here).

Page 12 - right. Hmmm.... nope, nope, keep going down the list... AHA! There I am, under "Contributing Writer." After having written thousands of articles, I still get a rush when I see my name on a masthead.

Page 23. Fiskars ad. I love this series but every time I see this ad, I wonder... why is Grandma so blurry? Is she intentionally smeared so we can't identify her? Did her agent want too big a cut of the action so they put Vaseline on the camera lens?? Just askin'.

Page 39. Love that ribbon dispenser... but where do I keep my other 493 spools?

Page 44. I'm dedicated to "truth in journaling."  Maybe they can create a new Magnetic Poetry "Harried Mom" set that includes word stamps that say "cranky," "messy," "time out," and "smelly diaper."

Page 46. Why is it that no matter WHEN I get a magazine delivered, I don't read the good ads until the DAY AFTER THE COUPON CODES EXPIRE???

Page 48. Basic Tool Kit of scrapbooking essentials: Where are the M'n'M's!??!!!

Page 51. At my house, this calendar idea would be a much more practical use for a baking utensil than actual cooking.

Page 53. "Slice o' Life" calendar. My list of things I hear myself say out loud day after day would include, "Why did you do that?" "That's it. You're on time-out." "I'll be off the computer in five minutes!" "No, you cannot have Pringles for breakfast." "Get off your sister." And... "I'm warning you, I'm a donkey on the edge!"

Page ??67 and Three Quarters?? Pages and Products. On the fold out. I am a good speller. Nay, I am a GREAT speller. But for the life of me, I cannot get the name of this company right. Sasafrass Lass? Sassafrass Lass? Sasafras Las? Too many s's in all the wrong places. Just wanted to share.

Page 134. "Our Readers." I saw this layout by Linda Barber and thought, "I've seen this before. Where have I seen this before?" And then I realized -- I wrote the article. Der.

Page 145. Look! There! In the middle of the page on the right -- Knit scarves and a hat! Knitting in a scrapbooking magazine... can life get any better??

Page 152. There was a reason I was not asked to create the journal of things you love and hate about life. Actually, I am sure there were many reasons. First and foremost... My life isn't quite this... ahem... shall we say, calm?  I see no clogged toilets (notice the plural) here! I see no lost driver's license! I see no trips to school to deliver forgotten lunches! I see no bathroom flooded from one of the clogged toilets! Also missing: the fourteen daily trips to Starbucks.

That's it... what did you notice this issue?

Name That Face!

It's time for the first ever ScrapHappy contest!

Be the first to name the two lovely ladies with me in these photos and you will WIN some great scrapping goodies... Contest closes on Wednesday 11/15 at 12 Noon.

Those Who Can't Do...

Let me just start by saying that teaching scrapbooking is like teaching nothing else on the face of this earth, except maybe open heart surgery. Think about it – what do people feel more strongly about than their memories? Not much. And if you put yourself in the position of helping them massage, crop and spatter paint on those memories, you’re in for a challenge.

The good thing about scrapbooking is that it’s voluntary. Teaching a scrapbooking class is not, for example, like teaching traffic school or high school civics. People are there because they actually want to be – or so it would seem.

Teaching – even teaching something I love as much as scrapbooking – is not an easy job. And since many readers may be harboring a secret dream of teaching a class of their own, I’ve put together a few tips to help you live through the process.

1. There’s One in Every Crowd.  Despite the opt-in/opt-out nature of the hobby, there are always a few people in every group who look like they had a choice between working on a roadside trash crew or attending a two-hour class on photography for scrapbookers – and the highway litter detail was full. But I’m an optimist, and I choose to believe that the woman who threatened to sue me if I trimmed away so much as a millimeter of her mother’s hair or arm from her photo was simply having a bad day.
2. Be a Miser. You know how your kindergarten teacher, Miss Patty, used to pass out just one blue piece of construction paper and just one yellow piece when it was time for art? Well, there’s a reason for that. Humans – and scrappers in particular – tend to be hoarders. If we see six pieces of ribbon, we want six pieces of ribbon – even if five of them belong to the other students in the class. As a teacher, if you put out a whole bag of 200 buttons, rest assured that your class will use the whole bag of 200 buttons. And since the wages for scrapbook teachers come out to be about 73 cents an hour, you’re better off keeping a close tab on your supplies.
3. Start Small. And I mean “small” as in kid-sized. After teaching dozens of classes, I can say with complete conviction that children are much easier to handle than adults. First, the kids are easy to please. Give them a glue stick and a bunch of glitter, and they’re good for half an hour. Next, they’re always happy to be there. I’ve yet to meet a truly grumpy child. Also, if you run out of things to do before the class time is over, you can always fold cardstock in half and tell them to “make cards.” And if they start acting up and getting on your nerves, you can threaten them. That doesn’t work with adults.

Teaching is certainly not for everyone. It’s incredible to me that many of the top-name instructors fly around the country – and the world! – teaching class after class, answering the same questions over and over, and still show up each time fresh and ready to give their all. The next time I get the chance, I’m going to have to sit down with one of them and ask if she’s ever been sued…