I've been on a Project Spaciousness kick for a long time, now, and I'm finally discovering that it doesn't just pertain to my possessions... I'm trying to make space in my life, too. I also believe that God has a way of making room for His plans whether or not we're on board. Right now, I feel him clearing my social calendar.
I feel like I've lost many friends over the past 12 months. Most have not been by choice -- instead just situations where the other person had chosen to leave the relationship. Man, that is painful. I lost my first best friend in a long, long time -- she has chosen a different path and it does not include me. I still ache over that. She's my baby's godmother, and there is a space for her in my heart that has not healed over yet.
I lost my book group. Most of the women weren't really close friends -- more like friendly acquaintances -- but I really enjoyed them and will miss their presence.
I lost my favorite scrapbook store, and with it the frequent hanging-out sessions with one of my favorite people, Terri. She has five kids, so even though she's not running the store any more, she doesn't really have "free time" to get together. (We did finally manage to get together for a Starbucks visit -- our first in 6 months! -- the other day. I hope we'll have more of those!).
And so on... It's quite lonely. But I have faith that God will fill the holes. I am excited to see who will come into my life... but I find it difficult to "make new friends." I feel too old for this! It brings up all my insecurities and fears and "am I good enough???" feelings.
Tell me about your friends. Are they friends of convenience or friends of the heart? Where did you find them? Have you ever lost a friend? What happened and how did you recover?
I've had many 'seasons' like that. I have learned to be open to what comes to me.
Right now I'm in a season of potential friends - lots of opportunities. It's very strange to me.
There are women at my weekly knit night that I really enjoy - but getting together outside of that time is so hard. I'm trying to just enjoy our weekly time!
This weekend I've been invited to a mom's night out - hanging out in a pool with 8-10 other women, snacks and drinks! - and I only know one of them! To be honest, I'm terrified...but I need to take advantage of the opportunity that has come my way.
I will pray this season is short for you!
Posted by: Amy | June 25, 2007 at 08:05 PM
Hey, how about me? I'm always here! :)
It was always hard for me to make friends when growing up because we were always moving (I attended five different elementary schools, imagine that!) Now, due to lack of time (work, commute, family, etc.etc) I find it very difficult to maintain friendships (unless they are on line, LOL.) But I do have a few good friends that I usually make a point to keep in touch with, and they include YOU of course! I only wish we lived closer so we could see each other more often than we do!
Posted by: Maria | June 25, 2007 at 08:24 PM
ahh friends...growing up I was always a one friend girl...and never kept a single one for more than a year or two...so often our lives did go different directions.
I felt very lonely during my 20's trying to find someone who "got me" but failed miserably until I met my friend Jess, who is one of those that holds on to dear friends for life...good thing too, because though I love her very much I am so easily put off by inconvenience of situations and would have lost her when she moved 7 hours away, had she not been that type of gal.
I started blogging after she left, and made a great group of online firends ;) a totally different relationship but friends still the same...and after a couple of years at that...and doing soul searching...and reading something(?) on Superhero journal I decided I wanted to open my life up to having friends again in real life...so spiritually, mentally, physically, I opened the doors to that option...and now I've got a great couple of gals I call my friends..even if we just see each other once a week or never talk on the phone but have an email conversation here and there, they're still my friends...that's how I am anyways
Posted by: moki | June 25, 2007 at 11:39 PM
I met all of my local friends through MOMS Club. Not sure where those friendships will go when the little ones branch off to different schools in a couple of years. There are a couple of ladies I connect really well with, but most of them are the 'we are sharing a similar life experience' type of friends. If that makes sense.
Too bad we live on opposite ends of the state...I would totally hang out with you!
Posted by: bcre8uv | June 26, 2007 at 02:15 AM
I have been best friends with Tammy since 12th grade - we met in Calculus (a class we both dropped and took an art class together instead!!)- we are truly soul mates. We don't see each other often (she lives in WA and I'm in NM), or talk on the phone very often, but that deep connection is there and will hopefully never go away.
Moki has been instrumental in broadening my circle of friends when she invited me to join her bunko group...I have made some wonderful friends there - there's just a handful of us, but we can truly depend on one another.
I also joined a local atc group where I still kind of feel like the outsider even though I've been a member for a year - most of the members are really serious artists - but I look forward to getting to know them all better and learning from them.
I have a hard time making friends I think becuase I tend to be really bossy and I talk a lot. I am working really hard on toning down those two parts of my personality.
I have made wonderful friends this year from blogging - and I count YOU as one of them:):)
Posted by: raesha | June 26, 2007 at 09:03 AM
I'm sorry for your friendship situation. I've been losing friends left and right.
I lost my best friend of 17 years a couple of years ago. It was her choice to walk away from the friendship, no reason given. It was an odd end. It took a long time to kind of figure out the friendship place without her but I realized that I was able to really grow and accept some things that I was not able to while trying to keep our friendship going from 3000 miles apart. I think the thing that hurt the most was that she was able to walk away too easily from my kids- one of which she had really made a big effort to be part of his life.
I've found it more and more difficult to make friends, especially with that fear of rejection. Well, I finally just clicked with someone during a class that we were taking together about 2 years ago and I really put myself out there. And, you guessed it. She moved a couple of months ago... I'm still sad...
I do believe though that people come into our lives for a reason. We might learn a little and grow a little with their help and then maybe we need to move on or they do. It still hurts though. It seems that the older we get the harder it is to make those connections- our lives are a little more complicated and we have less time for all the initial nurturing that some friendships require.
I'm sad PP closed too! It was my favorite store! My son the other day said that he had hoped it was going to just open back up as something new and better. He was sad they closed too, especially when it wasn't just for a remodel.
So it's obvious I have no words of wisdom. Just a little of been there, done that and ((hugs))
Melissa
Posted by: melissa | June 26, 2007 at 04:49 PM
I am pretty sure I have a lot of friends that are friends with me out of sheer convenience for numerous reasons, 1) being that I drive. I'm sure there are a lot of other reasons too, etc.
I downloaded all your episodes of your scrapbook pod thingies. I don't scrapbook, but I want to hear what you have to say!
Oh, I hear Sean in the monitor... gotta go get my lil munchkin!
Posted by: Robyn | June 28, 2007 at 08:39 PM
The post about losing some friends and walking away from others really hit home. As an 'older' mom with young kids, it is very hard to relate to the young things here in Almaden (big cars, a new kitchen every two years, over scheduled kids and very 'me' focused)...I've also found that many of the friends I'd been close to have chosen VERY different paths...one newly single (no children) feels it's 'ok' to 'prey' on married men during business trips...another newly widowed feels it's ok to sleep with everyone on Match.com and was diagnosed homicidal (would like to off her chidren OMG!!!)...and 15 years of bunco buddies...gone.
It saddens me...It's lonely...But I do believe like you said, G-d will fill that empty space with good things. Chin up!
ps
ohhhh how I miss PP!!! The days when that store was packed to the brim and shopping was like a treasure hunt!!!And the memories of CKU and the chocolate fountain! HOWEVER...Laurie has created quite collection of goodies at the Island (LOVE that gal!!)
Posted by: stephanie t. | July 03, 2007 at 09:40 PM
The post about losing some friends and walking away from others really hit home. As an 'older' mom with young kids, it is very hard to relate to the young things here in Almaden (big cars, a new kitchen every two years, over scheduled kids and very 'me' focused)...I've also found that many of the friends I'd been close to have chosen VERY different paths...one newly single (no children) feels it's 'ok' to 'prey' on married men during business trips...another newly widowed feels it's ok to sleep with everyone on Match.com and was diagnosed homicidal (would like to off her chidren OMG!!!)...and 15 years of bunco buddies...gone.
It saddens me...It's lonely...But I do believe like you said, G-d will fill that empty space with good things. Chin up!
ps
ohhhh how I miss PP!!! The days when that store was packed to the brim and shopping was like a treasure hunt!!!And the memories of CKU and the chocolate fountain! HOWEVER...Laurie has created quite collection of goodies at the Island (LOVE that gal!!)
Posted by: stephanie t. | July 03, 2007 at 10:03 PM
Oh sweetie, this just breaks my heart. I sure wish I lived closer to you. I'd totally be there for you ... I'd even keep you company while you spend endless hours at baseball.
Keep your chin up and stay true to who you are. God will reward you in the long run.
Posted by: ~Kristie | July 06, 2007 at 02:59 AM