Acceptance vs. Tolerance

There is a difference between accepting and tolerating. I think we often tolerate things we accept, and accept things we should only be tolerating (and not tolerating very long!).

Let me explain. It lies in the question of control. If we accept things, it means we think that they cannot be any different than they are right now. If we tolerate things, that means there is potential for the situation to change -- we just haven't done anything about it.

We all have "issues" in our lives -- situations we're not thrilled with. For instance, my list includes things like the clutter in our house, the fact my husband travels about 25 percent of the time, the need to find more consistent and fulfilling work, and my stomach. But before I can make the changes I need to, in order to move towards creation of a life of passion and fulfillment, I have to determine which category things fall into. Am I accepting clutter (meaning I have no choice) when I should say I'm tolerating it (meaning I could do something about it if I chose)? Am I tolerating my husband's travel (meaning I think I could somehow do something to change it) when really I should accept it (meaning that's the way things are right now)?

Just by rephrasing the situation, I get a completely different feeling. In some cases, it's relief (I don't have to live like this! I have a choice, even if I have three children!) And in some cases it's scary (My decision to dress in sweats and eschew makeup is something I'm choosing.... I could choose to look better!). In every case, it's powerful.

What are you tolerating that you should move to the "acceptance" column? And what have you decided you must live with (accept) when in actuality you do have a choice? How do you feel when you rephrase the situation?

And so the conversation begins...

Comments

[Erin]

flylady.com

[maria]

Wow...some food for today today...You are so right, now you've given me plenty of things to think about and ponder...I'll come back with some answers...and I'll e-mail you too about our getting together to finish up our projects. It's been a bit busy this week at work (when is it ever not?)

[Lisa]

What an interesting question. I'll have to give that some thought and get back to you. :}

[tonya]

Like your defs of accept vs. tolerate. I have not thought of them in those terms. I would honestly have to move my lack of health and exercise and good eating habits from accept to tolerate. Obviously I CAN do something about them, but for some reason, am unable to do so. While the fact that I have an iffy hip (broke it as a kid and it healed poorly) is more of an accept thing. Just accept that it is damaged and move on, stop using it as an excuse for little exercise, but suck it up and exercise anyway.
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