Just Be Nice

I recently interviewed Linda Kaplan Thaler, a Madison Avenue ad wizard and author of “The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness.”** She and her partner and co-author, Robin Koval, attribute much of their professional success to taking the high road – to giving others a helping hand. They assert that being nice isn't just a "good" thing to do; it's actually a smart business strategy, one that makes their employees work harder, enjoy their lives more, and draws potential clients to them.

I believe this with all my heart. Case in point: Last weekend I drove over an hour to visit a store for their annual sale. It was my first time there. And though the sale was great, and though the store's selection was incredible, I don't think I'll be back any time soon. Why? The lady who checked me out -- and who was either the owner or the manager -- was not very nice to me.

It wasn't that she was out-and-out rude, but she was brusque, didn't look me in the eye, and barely acknowledged my existence -- even though I had just spent $70 in her store.

How hard would it have been for her to say, "Have you shopped here before?" or "What are you planning on making with your purchases?" or even a heartfelt "Thanks for coming in!" Instead, she responded with impatience at my question about the closest Starbucks and shoved my stuff in the bag and gave me a grimace (that was, I think, supposed to be a smile).

Even now as I think back on it, I have an ache in the pit of my stomach. Why would I drive that far to visit a store when the experience actually makes me feel ill? I won't.

ANYWAY, my point goes beyond the customer-business relationship. I am as guilty as the next person of rushing through my day without taking the time to slow down and acknowledge the people I come in contact with.

The amount of disregard and anger in the world is really scary to me. Because, after all, how can we tackle the bigger problems of war, famine, and epidemic violence and illness, if we can’t even share a property line with our next-door neighbor without almost coming to blows over whose turn it is to trim the hedges?

Why be nice? You may ask. What’s the point? How can we possibly “get ahead” or “play the game” if we let others walk all over us?

I’m not advocating becoming a doormat. I’m suggesting that we all take a little more care and consideration in our interactions with others. That we smile a little more. That we hug a little longer. That we retreat from "Planet Me" to "Planet We."

**Want to win a copy of this book? I'll pass mine on to you! Everyone who leaves a comment to this post will be entered in a random drawing and will receive a copy, postage on me! The catch: You have to pass it on to someone else after you've read it.

Comments

[Holly of HollYarns]

Thanks for this post. I agree completely with you on the importance of being nice--especially considering the amount of my adult life that I spent doing customer service (thankfully I don't do customer service anymore. YAY!). It is neat to see how my being nice to a customer had the potential to change their day--especially if they were having a tough one. But the flip side of the coin is how much effect a customer could have on my mood if they treated me like crap or like I was some stupid worker. Beyond that, it is just essential to spread love through small acts of kindness--a smile, a genuine thank you, giving up a seat on the train or the bus, and so forth. P.S. Have a beautiful and splendid day!

[kristen]

this is a really good point. being pleasant makes everything better. and it's just easier to be nice, i think.

[Robyn]

I totally agree with you. Was it THAT hard for her to be nice? Oh - yeah = Enter me into the draw! FUN FUN!

[~Kristie]

Your post reminds me of some childhood phrases that were repeatedly said to me. (Probably because I needed to hear them?)
1. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
2. You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
3. Always smile at your enemies ... they'll wonder what you're up to.

Thanks for the reminder to take time to slow down & just be nice. Sometimes even smiling at someone that's having a bad day, may lift their spirits.

[maria]

Hi Lainie,

You are so absolutely right! Great post!
;)

[Ragan]

I am so glad that someone else out there feels the same way! I love when you make a point.

[Nitty.Gritty.]

Well said, Lain. I ask myself these same questions about people, and occasionally about myself.=) I have seen some of this 'niceness' played out when Chip and I extended forgiveness to the woman who killed Teagan. Some people were angry at us for doing so, yet for others it has made them step back and look at their own lives and how they can touch others with more love and grace. NOT easy...yet it has rewards and causes a ripple effect of goodness. And you are right, the world needs all of that that we have to offer. Thanks for the thoughts!

[tonya]

You are so good at putting things into perspective AND into words. I agree with you wholeheartedly and really think you should print out this blog entry and mail it to the store manager/owner with a "by the way, this was your store" note on the bottom. Sounds like she needs the reminder too!
xo, t

[Ingrid]

You put it so well - I am guilty of not being nice enough sometimes, when I feel really stressed by the constant demands of the children, work, the house etc. Knitting helps keep me sane! But I too am increasingly worried by the turn our society is taking and the constant disregard for our fellow men and women. It is simply not worth going somewhere if they are not prepared to treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve - go somewhere where they do. They will appreciate you and you will feel better about each dollar you spend there. After all, you are the customer and should be treated as such.

[raesha]

What a great post. I completely agree - I have a few stores in town that I absolutly love the stuff that they carry but their customer service SUCKS big time!!!! I refuse to spend my hard earned money there to not even be acknowledged.

[MarilynH]

what a great post, Lainie--Gives me something to think about and something to practice more.

[Alisha]

A little late here but it is unfortunate people don't try a little harder to be nice. Be nice if that salesperson stumbled across this and could take a look at how her behaviour is affecting who wants to be around her or shop at her store.

[Cindy Ericsson]

This is my "pet peeve" -- when people can't seem to grasp the concept that their job (really, all of our public lives) involves customer service. If you are dealing with people, it behooves you to be at least courteous, if not actually kind. This is where we fail too often, I think, in how we deal with the people we encounter. If one really can't smile and greet people, try to help them, etc., maybe a career change is in order, if not some other major life changes.