I'm never content to just do something; I always have to analyze. It's the curse, I think, of being a writer. I have to think about life and my role in it, and try to make sense of it all. And of course, as I get more into knitting, I try to find a way that knitting represents life, and how I can learn more about myself by looking at the way I approach knitting.
Through past self-analysis, I've determined that I'm a perfectionist (that didn't require much thinking to figure out), but I am also extremely impatient. When it comes to knitting, these two personality traits don't mesh well (it's kind of like being a diabetic pasty chef). I want things to be perfect, flawless, complete, but I also want to get them done and get on to the next thing. So these two things really come to loggerheads (what does that mean, anyway?) when it comes to knitting.
Knitting isn't about perfection, though we all long for the "perfect" garment (no dropped or split stitches, even tension, perfect sizing, great colors). Knitting isn't about speed, either. Knitting is, I am learning more and more, about process. And I've never been a process-oriented person. It's soemthing I've strived for for the past few years, as I've tried to become more "zen" in my approach to life. But I'm far from enjoying the ride without a thought as to the end destination.
With small children in my life, I've learned to enjoy the moment more than I ever have. But I still find myself wishing the days and hours away, waiting for that unspecified, unreachable milestone when I will be complete and have everything I could ever possibly desire. And then, I think, my life will really begin.
The problem is, life is now, not later. If I wish away these hours today, I'm wishing away my life that I could be living right this very second. Quite unwise.
So what does this all have to do with knitting? Well, for one, I am learning to enjoy the act of sitting with my yarn and moving my fingers through the dance. I'm learning to appreciate the very act of creating, without regard to the finished object I'm aiming for.
I'm learning to realize that my life, just like my knitting, is a work in progress.
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