Seth Godin on the Art of Motherhood: Five Ways to Be a Parenting Artist

(Long, but worth it!)

 

I have been mulling over the concept of motherhood lately. Partly because I've been writing more on the topic of parenting (specifically for Parenting Squad). Partly because I seem to be surrounded by people having their fourth, fifth, or ninth (!!) babies. Partly because in the past six weeks as I made some significant changes in my professional life, I realize that my role right now is primarily that of "Mommy."

image from Rubbermaid Products

Now, we all know those moms who seem built for parenthood. They are so darned maternal, you can't imagine them NOT being a parent (Wendy Smedley is one of these women). They are gifted in a way that makes them sink into the role of mother like someone falling into a huge, squishy feather bed. It envelops them and fits them so comfortably that you can't separate the person from the role.

 

I am not one of these people. As I wrote in the journaling on a recent layout, I wasn't one of those little girls who longs to be a mommy. I wasn't even sure I would EVER be a mom. But as time passed and I met my husband, my heart changed and I knew that I wanted to have kids.

 

And when I sensed the gap between the way I am as a parent and the way these Natural Born Mothers are, I felt very inadequate. I would never have the cooler full of snacks and ice packs and popsicles at the park. I sometimes resented the fact that my body has changed in irretrievable ways with each pregnancy. I quit breastfeeding after 3 months with my oldest, 6 months with my second, and 9 months with my third. And I was happy to do it!

 

So when I started thinking about the art of motherhood, I thought it didn't include me. Sure, I'm a good mom. Some people even tell me I'm a great mom. But an artist as a mother? Nah. Not me.

Then I read marketing genius Seth Godin's latest best-selling book, Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? In it, he exhorts every worker to be an artist in his or her own work world. He says that only by claiming our internal artist can we create a remarkable career and a remarkable world.

 

At first, the idea of an artist as a burger-flipper seems a little oxymoronic. But Godin goes on to say that when we add our own personality and devotion to a task, that's when we raise it from simple action to art. "Art," he writes, "is the intentional act of using your humanity to create a change in another person."

 

Aha! I got it! Suddenly, I realized that I am an artist, every time I do something not for the end reward, but for the joy of giving, for the sweetness of sharing, for personal pride and for the simple goal of making my world a little more colorful, a little brighter, a little more fun.

 

The great thing about Godin's concept is that it's something anyone can do, based on their own personality and desires. It applies to each and every one of us, right now, right where we are, whatever we spend our days doing. It's not prescriptive; in fact, he is very clear on the fact that he can't give readers an "A, B, C" plan for becoming an artist, as that would defeat the purpose.

 

As I thought about how his definition of art related to my role as a mom, I realized that I am a practitioner of the art of motherhood -- and anyone can do it, too. And while I can't give you each a path to art anymore than Godin can give a marketer the key to becoming a remarkable hawker of widgets. But I can provide some examples of what other moms are doing as artists, and maybe you'll find some inspiration here.

 

You're an artist mom when you go above and beyond in your role as parent, going beyond the basics and offering a piece of your soul in your parenting You're an artist mom when:

 

1. ...you make the hard choices. When I thought about this one, Jo-Lynne immediately came to mind. She's documented her journey to re-create the food choices she makes for her family. She does tons of research, goes out of her way to locate the best food, and spends hours testing new recipes. I have never once read a complaint from her that it's too hard or not worth it. She just does it. She inspires me with her dedication to giving her family her best. 

 

2. ...you make your kids feel special. Noel is the one who popped into my brain. She is the mom to two adorable girls, and you should just check out some of the ways she incorporates her creativity into their lives. Take a gander at the cupcakes she made for her daughter's birthday. This is everyday stuff to Ms. Noel. Oh, did I mention that her husband is deployed overseas and she's a single mom, military-style? Again, never heard a word of negativity out of this woman's mouth. She inspires me with her creativity and positive attitude. 

3. ...you do the stuff no one notices. This makes me think of Kim and Mary Beth, who I mentioned her the other day. They organize their closets, paint walls, create banners, make nature tables... all stuff that will be part and parcel of their kids' lives, stuff the kids won't even know is special until one day, their kids grow up and have families of their own, and think, "OH MY GOSH, my mom gave us so much of herself!" 

image from apdk

4. ...you make them laugh. This is the area where I excel. I do all right on the other notes, and certainly aspire to do better, this is one area I feel very comfortable. In fact, early on in my time as a mom, I thought about how I wanted my kids to remember me. I wanted them to say, "She was so much fun!" So that's what I try to remember every single day as I consciously look for ways to make them laugh and for us to enjoy life more. 

image from seyed mostafa zayani

5. ...you give part of you. Anyone reading this blog who's a mom has done this, I know. I want to remind you to appreciate what you do offer your kids, and stop comparing yourself to everyone else. What is in your heart that you can provide? I honestly believe that you're put with your kids for a specific reason, and that God chose YOU and only you to be the mom in this particular family, to these particular kids. You are not replaceable. You are unique. You are indispensable. You are an artist!

 

Comments

[Julie Johnson]

Wow! Beautiful and inspiring post Lain! I love your Five Things everyday but this one really hit home with me as I am always, always judging myself as a Mom. Thank you so much for re-affirming that we are all great Mom's in our own special way and reminding us that we can always be a work in progress in other areas!

[Michele in Texas]

Thank you.

[Angela]

Great post, Lain. I've often been bummed when I see what other moms are like in that I feel I'm falling short. And, in fact, I'm definitely not the mom I want to be. But that doesn't mean I can't become that mom at some point. This post is good food for thought in that regard.

[Stefanie]

I loved this post.
Why is it that we compare ourselves to the "natural born" mothers and feel we come up short.
Thanks for the encouragement and the realization that I am an artist Mom too.

[Nicole Maki]

Today is my first day back to full-time unassisted mothering after my spinal surgery and this was just the post I needed to read.

It's been a long time since I read such an appreciative essay on mothering that doesn't blame, point fingers or instill fear.

I think I'm a natural born mom and we have a lot of fun together. That said, the past year has been hard to go above and beyond. Reading this makes me excited to embrace today, and all the days ahead with my boys.

I'll be printing this and putting it in my inspiration folder.

[musings of a housewife]

This is a beautiful post and I'm humbled and flattered that you listed me as an example. I can relate to much of the first half of this post. You ae not alone.

[Dalon]

Lain, this is great - thanks so much for the little reminders - I know many of us forget these things often (at least I do!) and it's so nice to remember the reasons ...

[Carmel Keane]

A really lovely post Lain! I think we all soemtimes forget that whatever "type" of Mother we are we seem to be best suited to our kids and our family. We are all unique and when mothering is done in with the right spirit - it can't be wrong.

[Sue]

My kids are all grown up but I remember feeling inadequate many times. In the end, I think I gave a lot of myself to each of my 5 children and they are 5 children who have grown up to be wonderful adults. It's interesting that you talk about this book because I'm reading the book 'Simple Abundance' - a day by day reading and the last few days she has talked about being an artist in the way you live. I guess several authors have the same inspiration so maybe we should consider ourselves as 'mothering artists'!

[Rebecca]

I think I may cry...

[Nathalie (famille1999)]

Very inspiring Lain. I wasn't a natural born mother either but like you I'm very happy to have embarked in that life. Love Seth Godin's approach on this. Thanks for the reminder that we do not need to compare ourselves to others to know that we are good moms! :)

[Dynasty]

I love being a mommy and I think I excel in making my kids laugh at me as well.

We make homemade chocolate chip cookies. When I say homemade, I mean we break apart Tollhouse cookie dough and place it on the baking sheet and bake them for 15 minutes.

On Fridays, we make pizza from scratch, which means we buy prepared dough, spread pasta sauce on it, and throw on some pepperoni and cheese. We have the best time in the kitchen.

I try to spend as much time with them as possible because they mean everything to me.

Just like you said God doesn't give us more than what we can handle. Do the best you can and your kids are going to love no matter what.

[Terri B]

Love this post. Inspiring, Lain. <3

[Gaynol]

Great post! You really have to love the journey. I see so many chefs who think they'll be happy when they're a sous chef, on tv, have a product line. I don't think any of those things can make you happy if you don't love the work and don't get a certain joy out of it. Yes, it's frustrating, stressful, hot and difficult much of the time but if you can't find your flow in the process you're probably not in the right place for you.

[debbie]

I think I do most of those most of the time, and all of them occasionally!

[Maria]

Beautiful post. Thank you.

[Helen]

#5...I agree that God chose me to be my children's mother for a reason. I may never know what the reason is, and I don't need to, but there is a reason. And, I thank God every day that He chose me for them.

I have said this since my son was born over 19 years ago, and continued after his two sisters followed.

[wendy smedley]

thanks for the mention Lain-- I love being a mom and am glad you recognize it!

[Destri {The Mother Huddle}]

I love this way of looking at motherhood. I think so often parents in general forget the change they could make in the world just by investing time into there children. It can be an art, I know everyday I can try a little harder, give a little more. It is something I have to remind myself far to often!
Thank you for sharing this on TMH, it is a beautiful post.